Scary or Cool?

...that my life these past couple months has been an emotional roller coaster (ignore the cliched-ness) incomparable to anything else I've ever experienced.....and I seem to be living excerpts of Stephenie Meyer's Twilight series?

This time, I have considered coming here to air my grievances or even the thrill my life has given me this last month especially...thing is, I don't like venting on something so permanent as a blog or a message board. My feelings are so fleeting that the posts themselves seem unnecessary, despite the ability to delete whatever I wish from the face of Cyber Space. The impression I made on the readers are not so easy to erase. And I don't like talking about myself in such a way, I'm not a fan of sympathy and attention stemmed from, again, something that by the time they read I'm already over.

So I'll make this short ....(*reads over later* hmm...well, so much for that.... >.> )

Since my last post, so many things have happened. I lost touch with a dear friend of mine for over two months, a painful process. I took it rather personally, though I know I shouldn't have, looking back on things, but I didn't know that then. This friend, as I had been discovering at about the same time as losing touch with them, I liked a lot (I was apparently the slowest in this endeavor, it seems everyone besides him knew so before I did). Then came a party, after that 2 1/2 to 3 month period. I had the opportunity to see him, which I hadn't done since the beginning of summer, before I even really knew him at all. We both had a great time, I think. And, what do you know, I got a message from them the day after. For a week, we pretty much picked up where our friendship had left off. I remembered why I liked him so much. He then teased me about a movie get-together I had tried to plan many months ago, asking me when that'd finally happen. We organized things, and agreed that we could go see the Bucket List (very cute) that Saturday, and go to my house to see some Mel Brooks movies a few days after.

I had a great time that Saturday. We talked about everything, our friends, some fun childhood stuff, even. When I got home, it was only a few hours before I started getting "congrats--you're dating!" messages from my friends. Again, I was unaware of the events around me. Despite this, I was perfectly thrilled. I suppose my unsuspecting reaction came from a few things, one being a personal belief that I'd rather be pleasantly surprised than horribly devastated, so I try to keep my expectations low, also considering that my imagination can go wild when anticipating how things can go. That, and I have absolutely no experience with this whole liking/dating thing. I've never liked many people, and I had found a relationship appealing with...well, none of them prior to all this. Nor have I had any experience concerning people liking me. As far as I know, there've been absolutely none. Before this, let's just say the most I've gotten is a guy I didn't know staggering up to me with a friend, who had obviously lost a bet and the punishment was to tell me that he likes me.

Anyway, I couldn't wait for that next Tuesday, when he was coming over. I had an amazing time then too, and we kind of established ourselves. Every time I saw him, there wasn't ever a negative part of the experience. My cheeks always hurt from smiling so much, I couldn't help it. The times when we didn't see each other, we were always able to talk at least a little online.

Then, a few weekends ago, I had to go on a mandatory church retreat. I would've looked forward to it more, had I not been missing a dance (one of like, three a year...I had been dreading this, both he and I wanted to go together to it). As could be read in my friend Eurydice's blog, a friend of mine went with him, as her boyfriend was with me over the weekend and for some reason it was vital that she had a date. Okay, fine. All of us except her had thought that she was asking him as a friend. According to her, she was, but it seemed from everything else I've heard that she was treating the whole thing like a date, which no one really found very acceptable. Things were, needless to say, quite awkward. I came back, the retreat was much more fun than I had expected, and very influential. But what I returned to was a mix of relieving normalcy and then hell. In regards to my relationship those following couple days, they were alright, strained it seemed only by the repurcussions of the dance.

*big sigh* Cue dramatic soap opera music. According to everyone besides my friend that went with my boyfriend, she was outrageously attention-seeking, and he was a gentleman to...ignore that, to not give in to her pressures, and so on. Acording to her, however, I quote: "he was a bum." She ended up calling me last week today, actually, crying that she didn't know what to do anymore, so on, so forth. If I hadn't heard everyone else's side of the story, I might have been convinced. I'm discovering more and more how much of a master manipulator she is...and even before now I knew she wasn't the person I had considered to be my best friend many years ago. So I called him later, I was worried that she and everyone she had convinced was giving him hell. According to him they weren't, but I was and am still mad at her for everything she's done; my close friends and I are used to how she is, but I remember I was deeply hurt when originally discovering it myself. The thought that she was doing the same to him, regardless to what extent he was used to seeing how she really is, really pissed me off. Turns out, as we were talking, that she twisted things even more to suit her sob story--she had told him that I called her. Considering everything, I would imagine that was not a mere slip of the tongue.

The next night was rather depressing...well......at the time, very. He called me, and, long story short, we aren't together anymore. From what he said, based solely on everything I've ascertained, this wasn't his choice. I didn't handle it this way at first. My irrational, self-conscious mind thought the reason was me, despite what he had said during the call and how normal (-ish) things were the few days before. It was the Bella in me, to tie in my Twilight comparison; I couldn't see how I could've changed him, as he had told me before.

To sum things up Forks-style: Bella meets Jacob, Bella and Jacob become inseparable friends, Jake disappears, he comes back and then suddenly he's Edward. Bella and Edward have an amazing time, or at least Bella does, but then Bella is alone again......I don't know where the story ends. I think I'll be Switzerland now. So I'll lean back, see where things take me.

In other news....

Movies to love (why not alphebetize them?): Across the Universe (especially if you're fine with a bit of skin, that may be a problem otherwise), Aristocats (one of my childhood faves and OUT ON DVD!!!), August Rush (ignore the musical cliches and it's amazing), Blue Harvest (lawl. You'll love this if you're a fan of Star Wars, Family Guy, Doctor Who, or all of the above.), Enchanted, Meet the Spartans (If you like the Scary Movie folks)

Music to love (alphebetized by artist/soundtrack title....guess what my highlight of the afternoon is!):
Albums: Across the Universe soundtrack, August Rush soundtrack, Boys Like Girls (album titled the same), The Editors: The Back Room, Flogging Molly: Drunken Lullabies, Jack's Mannequin: Everything in Transit
General artists (mostly because I've gotten a number of mix cds recently): As I Lay Dying, Bad Religion (my history teacher ROCKS. He got me into it. xD ), Memphis May Fire, Norma Jean (I'm finding I have a bit of a soft spot for screamo), Saosin, Social Distortion (LOVE classic punk), Still Remains, Underoath, Weird Al (slow day in orchestra, what do you do? Listen to my violent but hilarious friends' iPod.), et cetera.
General songs: Plain White Rapper in a Mini Van: KJ-52 (so fun. ;D ), Dammit Janet/Hot Patootie Bless My Soul/Time Warp (woo my ringtone!): Rocky Horror Picture Show, Maps: The Yeah Yeah Yeahs

But so yeah. That's my life, as of today. ;D

luv.
~Zatarra